Find out if your behaviour brings out the asshole in you

Often, we think we’re the best thing after free Wi-Fi or sliced bread, so much so that we never consider that we might have faults or flaws.

Some of us are genuinely horrible people in our daily relationships, but we never see it unless we overhear people gossiping about how much of an asshole we are.

Find out below if you tick any of these boxes. And if you do, call yourself to a meeting or get therapy to change. Otherwise, you’ll be old, alone, and friendless in the bitter end.

      1. You impress everyone, but to your family or spouse – yani – you’re the devil’s agent the minute you step into the house. If you have preteens or teens at home, they all disappear into their rooms when you hoot at the gate.

          2. You buy your friends meat and alcohol, but your family last ate meat in 2015.

            3. You engage in social-media charities while failing to pay school fees and provide basic needs for your own freaking children.

            4. You take credit for work you didn’t do all year at the office, without shame.

            5. You act like you’re your siblings’ parent just because you have a car.

            6. You air your golden-child complex at every opportunity just because you have more money. Everyone else suddenly can’t contribute to conversations about your parents’ village home improvements.

            7. You are the king or queen of belittling people you feel are lesser than you.

            8. Now that you’re old, you demand that your children maintain your lifestyle.

            9. You want everyone to worship you, and that’s why you prefer friends who have less than you, so they can kiss your ass while carrying your jackets around like servants.

            10. You refuse your siblings the right to live in the family compound because you built it for your parents.

            11. You sniff your partner’s privates at the end of the day to “check” if they’ve cheated.

            12. You yell at adults in the office for no apparent reason – just playing god.

            13. You demand your partner’s passwords but fiercely guard your own. Ata ukienda kukunia unabeba simu.

            14. You shout at and correct your spouse in public.

            15. You unnecessarily interrupt others because you think you’re more knowledgeable.

            16. You get angry when corrected.

            17. You give backhanded compliments.

            18. You dismiss other people’s experiences with “ata mimi.”

            19. You dismiss boundaries and rules simply because you feel above them.

            20. You lack empathy. You have joy when others are not enjoying life.

            21. You’d rather show up at a funeral than attend a friend’s success party – and if you do attend, you make it about you.

            22. You’re always the victim, 24/7. Everyone or most people sigh when you start THAT episode

            23. You badmouth your friends to make yourself look better.

            24. You hang out with your “rich” friends but only call your “poor” friends when you need favours. You’ll unashamedly be like “Sasa Maggie/Mark, imagine na hama on new year, aki woiye come help me pack”

            25. You choose to have fun with a particular group of friends, but when you’re sad, scammed or depressed, you disturb that one bestie you never invite anywhere – just to dump trauma on them and misuse their time.

            Ata wewe lakini… even if you’re the poor friend, have BOUNDARIES! Don’t allow these assholes to suck your energy – and worse for free.

            Alafu, zoea kuto-forgive hawa watu. These people know exactly what they’re doing when they CHOOSE to disrespect you and your time.

            – KiiSpace

            And if you’re the asshole in this story – hio ngazi si utashuka tu one day.

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